Dear Father,
I
understand that you can not go on and that this struggle has taken much too
hard of a toll on you. But I’m writing this letter not to tell you of my grief
and sorrow but to inspire myself. To almost reassure myself that I must carry
on for you and for mother and Tzipora. To tell you that I promise to carry on
with the thought of you and my mother in mind. To be honest I struggle to hold
on to those thoughts of you. I struggle to believe in myself that I can carry
on and keep you in mind. As hard as this is to say, I struggle to feel sorrow
and emptiness in your absence. As a matter of fact it is almost a weight of my
shoulders. To be lifted of the stress and pressure just tearing me apart. I
struggle enough trying to keep myself alive now that you are gone and to think
that I was doing that and carrying your life on my shoulders amazes even me. It
shows me that I do have the strength to survive anything to persevere through
the hardest struggles and come out alive. But I continue to ask myself what you
will think of this. I know that someday in the afterlife we will be rejoiced
again and that we will look back onto what happened in the camps. I wonder will
you be angered that I feel this way. Does it hurt you that you were just added
stress in my life? I am angry at myself for feeling this way but I have no
other feelings. All I want to say is I love you and hope that you are in a
better place in the great beyond. But then again even hell might be better than
this place. And I here its warmer there too.
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ReplyDeleteElizier, my dearest son, I am nothing short than amazed by you. You are undoubtedly the only reason I was able to make it as far as I did. I’m glad you use this letter for inspiration because as my only son, I want you to keep our family name alive, as we don’t want to forget our ancestors. You had every opportunity to lose me, but you took every chance and second to be with me. I should have died many times, but you were there to save me.
DeleteI still remember during one of the selections, you chased after me, when I was sent to the unfit line. The confusion and chaos that ensued allowed you to slip me into the healthy line. Even in the cattle car, we were 2 of 12 survivors, where it could have easily been 11. You made me wake up, even though I was beyond the limits of exhaust. You didn't see me a threat to your survival, but a necessity to carry on. I don’t always agree with that because I’m your father, and I should be suffering for your well being instead. I can’t tell you how proud I am of you. You asked if I was mad that I added stress to your life. Of course I was mad because I just wanted to help you. I was never mad at you son, because you are the best kid a father could have. I was angry at myself, for not providing support to you in such troubling times.
In the very end of my days I can remember you were always there by my side. I was obviously hurting your chances for living as you chose to give me your bread and soup. You risked your survival for mine, and that is a debt I can never pay. The only thing that can make me happier is watching you flourish in life and passing down the family name. I never doubted you son, and I am forever grateful for you, and wish you to live a happy and prosperous life. I have no doubt you have the strength to live as you were able to keep two people alive. I’m glad you can use this as inspiration and not a dark memory from the past, always hanging above your head. I’m glad you are relieved by my absence because you still need all your strength to survive, which I know you will.
-Father
Dear Eliezer,
DeleteI realize how hard it was for you to watch me fall apart. Considering you were under the same conditions as I in that hellish place, I know that that took an even greater toll on you. I just want to thank you for helping me as much as possible and loving me unconditionally. I don't blame you for feeling little remorse, I can't ask for sympathy from you. After experiencing trauma I know that you would harden very much. Once again, thank you for trying your best to put me in front of your own needs even though i didn't expect you to do that. I'm sorry for leaving you in that horrifying hell hole, but I don't have the strength that you possess that you previously mentioned.
So son, even though I will no longer be by your side physically to support and motivate you, I will be there in spirit. I will never lose faith in you my Eliezer. I'm so proud of everything you've done and how far you have come. I have confidence that you will survive this. And when you do, please promise me that you will continue to be the strong young man I have raised. Always remember your mother, sister and I. Lastly, and most importantly, please try and keep your story alive. Make humans aware of the evil they can be capable of.
I love you very much, Eliezer. Hang in there. Remember everything I have said.
-father