Shelbee's 2nd post (POV of Elie Wiesel)

Dear journal,

Life here is still unbearable, but I'm getting more used to it. I continue to be treated more and more like a wild animal and not a human. I have been beaten for foolish and unfair reasons, tattooed with a number for identification and stripped of my clothes – not to mention my dignity. I have switched camps and my father is the only thing I have left.

People here still seek God for comfort and a reassurance because they truly believe that God has organized all of this as a test. I, on the other hand have been questioning whether or not I should still trust god or not. Everything I am going through now points to the fact that God is not helping me whatsoever; at this point I’m not even sure if He really exists. “…He caused thousands of children to burn in His mass graves. He kept six crematoria working day and night.” (Wiesel 67). The only good thing that “God” has provided me with is the company of my father during these gruesome times.

          At the beginning of my journey, even before I came to any concentration camp, I was sort of in denial. I refused to believe that my family and I would ever be taken away. This half ignorant-half optimistic attitude continued even still when families (including my own) were put under house arrest and even on our way to Auschwitz. However, now, as my story progresses I realize that things are only getting to get worse. I know that i have to do everything in my power to get myself out of this Hell, but being oblivious and thinking that nothing awful is never going to happen won't help me at all. Many people I know here have that mindset, but I do not. At times I believe that I will not make it out alive, but I know that I have to hang in there. One thing that is helping me survive this for some reason is the fact that i believe God is not out there controlling these horrid, torturous acts being committed by the SS officer. I am second-guessing all of my beliefs about God, and for some reason that soothes me. Throughout my journey here so far I have come across many delusional optimists, but I have hardened and become a realist. I try to accept and prepare myself for anything that may happen to me in the camp; I will do anything to survive.

-Elie